Rachel who?

I used to know exactly who I was. If you asked me, I could tell you.

I was a girl who rode her bike EVERYWHERE,

loved the public transportation system and knew all the bus routes. 

A girl who loved to listen to the wind as I cruised down the hill from the U.

I was a girl who went out dancing at least once a week with the girls,

stayed up til three in the morning on school nights,

and still managed to pass her classes (somehow).

I was a girl with a biting sense of humor,

who had a clever response for every text received,

a vitriolic rap-battler at every single party.

For a while, I was a girl you could find daily at the gym,

in the bowling alley with half a croissant-style-sandwich,

or studying in the dorms with my best friend, Austin.

I was a girl who loved to go to the mountains,

who shot hoops at the institute by herself everyday,

and wrote melancholy love songs with the five chords that she knew.

I was a million first dates, a jelly-belly consumer, a sugar cookie baker,

a tv-series addict, a football game watcher, a three-job worker, 

and I could probably beat you at guitar hero. 

And even though I didn't like to admit it, I knew that I didn't know who I was at all.

All of that changed when David died.

All of that changed when I made a choice.

All of that changed when I came unto Christ.

Some of those changes were immediate;

wounds that had long been festering, bandaged and covered with ointment.

Some of that healing I recognized, some of it I didn't.

I became a girl with a weight lifted from her shoulders,

who felt the love of God and felt it penetrate her core.

I became a girl who wanted to share that with the world.

I became a girl who had the courage to make changes,

who continued to fall constantly, but had a desire to do right.

I became a girl who began to see.

I became a girl who studied to learn,

with the number one test scores in all of her classes.

A girl that began to set goals and achieve.

I became a girl who turned out to see others,

whose life began to brighten and find meaning

as I worked to develop a grateful heart.

I became someone who was working for the temple, 

that sorrowed for sin, with a desire to serve,

and for this cause I was called to the work.

And even though I didn't see it all, happiness flourished from knowing a small part of who I was.

The blessings multiplied as I served a mission.

Reflecting on it now brings me to tears

as I glimpse the changes that the Lord worked through that service.

I became someone who I never dreamed possible.

And even though I often question if I know myself, 

I know who I am now and who I will one day be.

I am a daughter of God.

I know that He loves me

and I want to show my love for Him.

I am a woman of God.

I rejoice in my femininity

and the opportunity to nurture.

I am the wife of a loving husband.

With the promise of eternity 

and happiness beyond compare.

I am a covenant maker.

I know that blessings await me

if I faithfully fulfill my promises.

I am a mother with a great responsibility

to care for a child of God

and teach him the ways of the Lord.

I am a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a cousin,

a student, employee, a coworker, a friend.

And even though I do not always see, I know the Lord will guide me to become everything I can.

For I know who I am.