Thursday, March 21, 2013

Rachel who?

I used to know exactly who I was. If you asked me, I could tell you.

I was a girl who rode her bike EVERYWHERE,
loved the public transportation system and knew all the bus routes. 
A girl who loved to listen to the wind as I cruised down the hill from the U.

I was a girl who went out dancing at least once a week with the girls,
stayed up til three in the morning on school nights,
and still managed to pass her classes (somehow).

I was a girl with a biting sense of humor,
who had a clever response for every text received,
a vitriolic rap-battler at every single party.

For a while, I was a girl you could find daily at the gym,
in the bowling alley with half a croissant-style-sandwich,
or studying in the dorms with my best friend, Austin.

I was a girl who loved to go to the mountains,
who shot hoops at the institute by herself everyday,
and wrote melancholy love songs with the five chords that she knew.

I was a million first dates, a jelly-belly consumer, a sugar cookie baker,
a tv-series addict, a football game watcher, a three-job worker, 
and I could probably beat you at guitar hero. 

And even though I didn't like to admit it, I knew that I didn't know who I was at all.

All of that changed when David died.
All of that changed when I made a choice.
All of that changed when I came unto Christ.

Some of those changes were immediate;
wounds that had long been festering, bandaged and covered with ointment.
Some of that healing I recognized, some of it I didn't.

I became a girl with a weight lifted from her shoulders,
who felt the love of God and felt it penetrate her core.
I became a girl who wanted to share that with the world.

I became a girl who had the courage to make changes,
who continued to fall constantly, but had a desire to do right.
I became a girl who began to see.

I became a girl who studied to learn,
with the number one test scores in all of her classes.
A girl that began to set goals and achieve.

I became a girl who turned out to see others,
whose life began to brighten and find meaning
as I worked to develop a grateful heart.

I became someone who was working for the temple, 
that sorrowed for sin, with a desire to serve,
and for this cause I was called to the work.

And even though I didn't see it all, happiness flourished from knowing a small part of who I was.

The blessings multiplied as I served a mission.
Reflecting on it now brings me to tears
as I glimpse the changes that the Lord worked through that service.

I became someone who I never dreamed possible.
And even though I often question if I know myself, 
I know who I am now and who I will one day be.

I am a daughter of God.
I know that He loves me
and I want to show my love for Him.

I am a woman of God.
I rejoice in my femininity
and the opportunity to nurture.

I am the wife of a loving husband.
With the promise of eternity 
and happiness beyond compare.

I am a covenant maker.
I know that blessings await me
if I faithfully fulfill my promises.

I am a mother with a great responsibility
to care for a child of God
and teach him the ways of the Lord.

I am a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a cousin,
a student, employee, a coworker, a friend.

And even though I do not always see, I know the Lord will guide me to become everything I can.

For I know who I am.


  1. Rachel you're the best!! Miss your face!!

  2. So honest and true. It's amazing how even the most different people can relate in some human experience. thanks for your words. I appreciated them :) Also. . . you're a mother?? Congrats!! I'm sure you're wonderful!!

  3. i adore this. Thank you for you.